Saw this video last Sunday at church, and it’s made an impression on me. Thanksgiving has always had strong religious overtones for my family, and that’s still true. To whom to we give thanks, if not to God?
Question:If you celebrate the Thanksgiving holiday and you’re not interested in religion, how do you celebrate it? I’m not being snarky, I’m serious here. I can certainly understand that Thanksgiving is attractive to people who’d prefer that God just Butt Out Of Our Lives, Please, for various reasons – getting the family together, the great food, the continuation of a tradition, the parades, the football games, the four-day weekend…
…so if you don’t consider yourself a religious person and you celebrate Thanksgiving because it is, after all, a national holiday, I’d love to know how the day goes for you. Is it a day for eating a wonderful meal with your family? A shared cultural phenomenon you participate in because not participating would be weird? A good excuse to lie on the couch and watch four football games, interrupted only by sage dressing and pumpkin pie with whipped cream? Not that there’s, ahem, anything wrong with that.
We’re eating the main meal with The CEO’s parents and one of his sisters today, along with some other friends who are on their own. There will be the traditional turkey breast and ham, sweet potatoes and pumpkin pie on the table, as well as my mother-in-law’s broccoli casserole and grocery rolls. There will be football, both on TV and outside (assuming it doesn’t rain). My father-in-law will pronounce the blessing while we hold hands around the table.
I might have burned the pies. Taz might have made rude noises about the smoked salmon and then kicked his sister. Bookworm might have yelled at Taz, Gaze might have slyly prompted them to have started a fight in the first place, The CEO might have disagreed loudly with his father over some element of farm management, or with his sister over the best way to invest. But I will have spent some quality time in the Thanksgiving Chair, and not even (unburned) pumpkin pie could beat that.
Muse in Wooden Shoes 
Happy T-Day Mals!!
Well, as is so often the case, your careful writing about your experience got me to examine my own more closely.
It’s interesting to me that for you and your family, Thanksgiving has religious overtones– Secularist that I am, while I, of course, remember that the original ceremony of giving thanks for the harvest would have been a direct “thank you” to God, it’s never felt like an overtly religious holiday to me, in the way that Christmas and Easter both can be. (I say “can be”, because we all know how those two days have been hijacked by commercialism.)
I had to smile a bit when you asked, correctly, respectfully, if I don’t thank God for all of my blessings, then what do I feel? Well, I do feel gratitude, and I am always reminded this time of year of what it means to be “full”– full of life, health, friendship, live, food, security. To have enough. And I am grateful to you for reminding me that, of all days and all celebrations, it is indeed Thanksgiving that draws me closest to this acknowledgement of all this is good in my life.
What I don’t have, you correctly point to, is a belief in a divinity that has made all of this so, or at least, for me, not a human-centered divinity that is heavily interested in me and all my fellow human beings’ daily actions and thoughts. I don’t live with the presence of a divine overseer, judge, or architect.
So I live with the uncertainty of not knowing why things are the way that they are– I am still grateful for the things that are good, and want to change the things that are bad.
As for you, it sounds like your Thanksgiving home is filled with family, food, football, and chaos– and what a happy day.
All the best to you, Mals-
R
Lovely Rita –
I knew you would have something thoughtful to say, and I appreciate your sharing what Thanksgiving is for you.
Stepping back to look at our lives and noting how many good things we actually have is such a life-affirming exercise.
(I. Miss. You. Where you been, girl?)
I have to say that Rita penned much of what I would say, too.
In my experience, it wasn’t that much about God at all. We were raised Catholic, but I don’t remember this holiday as being at all religious. My dad was a chef/cook and usually worked on Thanksgiving, so the day was full of “King Kong” or “Wizard of Oz” and football games, and a bit of hunger because we had to wait for dinner until my dad got home which was usually around 8:00 and we had ham instead of turkey because he had been cooking turkeys all day.
The holiday was a ‘thank you’ mostly for our life together, our food – the hard work of my father and mother – and the celebration of our immediate family. At least that is my recollection of it during my youth. I don’t remember anything special about saying grace before eating – perhaps a toast was offered by my father. But all in all, it was more a personal celebration of the family and our gratefulness for our life together. Both my parents were raised quite poor, so the ability to have such a feast was a big deal. (now if I go now and ask my mom about this, she may have a whole different interpretation of it all!)
Thanks for posting which allowed me to have such nice remembrances as I typed this! Today would have been my parents 56th anniversary (my father passed in 1993)
Happy Thanksgiving, Mals!
Hey there, BF – thanks for sharing! And no wonder you had ham… your poor dad.
You know, the older I get, the more I realize that my (extended) family is a little… well, I was going to say freaky, but I guess I mean just unusual. We get together frequently for meals on holidays – T’giving, Christmas, Easter, Memorial Day, Independence Day, Labor Day. (Which would be easier if we all lived in the same town, but we don’t. Especially my generation – I have cousins who are several states away and can’t make all these, but I do see them at least a couple of times a year.)
And there will be arguing, but it will be of the “You go sit down, I’ll do the dishes this time,” and “No, let ME clean that up” variety. How often does a family actually like each other? Another thing to be grateful for.
I’ve never thought of Thanksgiving as a holiday aligned with the church. To me, it’s an day to acknowledge our ancestors difficult transition from Europe to America. Whether it’s true or not, I like to think of it as a time to remember how people came her looking for a new life, all the while having no idea what was in store for them – a transition they may not have survived if not for the Indians who taught them the ways of this new land. Of course, it breaks me heart to know what became of the tribes at the hands of white men. But for a day, I can remember that this human kindness meant everything. And of course, it’s a nice day to think about your life and what you should be grateful for.
Hi, K!
Just to clarify, it’s not a “churchy” sort of holiday for us, but one that sort of directs our attention to God. We’re giving thanks, so we focus on the one we’re thanking.
A lot of the history of Indian tribes has been glossed over far too much. Some of it is heartbreaking, and I’d like to see that we learn from our mistakes. But it’s good, I think, to celebrate a time when there was friendship and gratitude.
Hope your day was wonderful.
PS: Just talked w/my mom – she agrees w/what I wrote! Pheww! 😉
Thanks, everyone, for replying in the spirit of openness in which I asked the question. I’m very rushed today (Thursday) but would love to come back and reply to each one of you soon.
Wishing you a Thanksgiving Day full of gratitude…
Mals, even though I am a Canadian, I hope you don’t mind my horning in on your discussion. We celebrate as well, on a different day, but the same sentiments apply.
Your question is very thought provoking – I like it! My answer has many of the shades already offered above but I’ll say it anyway. My parents came from Eastern Europe where, according to them, there was a war or threat of one constantly. They were all fed up with generation after generation being threatened and trying to survive. ENOUGH they said. They came here and were thankful for a peaceful life and the chance to live in peace with likeminded people. Although we try to retain many of our customs, because I was born here, they felt it a good idea to adopt the customs here and to understand why they are.
Now for religion. I was born and raised Roman Catholic. Suffice it to say we, the church and I, now have fundamentally different views. I recognized that many of the “rules” came from men trying to control and dictate the behavior of others. This is largely necessary for many people to live with harmoniously with each other but there were certain things I could not accept. I believe in a “being” that I call God, but I believe that “being” is revered by many in many different ways. My form of religious belief, I feel, is in a state of evolution. I have no intention of giving up my belief in God.
That said, my personal celebration is of harvest, all the preserves have been made, making ready to batten down the hatches for winter, thankfulness for peace, a hope that peace will last for many generations, of a land that gives so much to its’ people in terms of food, water, space, wilderness, a variety of people. This is a heart breakingly beautiful land, as is yours. It is a time for family and friends to reconnect and get closer. It is a celebration that all cultures can, if they choose, join in and celebrate being here and forging the start of a common ground. We eat turkey, stuffing and cranberries.
And during this time, I wish you all the same peace and freedom that I treasure so dearly.
Hi there, FO&W – nice to hear from you.
I’m sure your parents were indeed grateful for a peaceful life, and a meal eaten with family is such a wonderful way to celebrate.
Harvest is the natural time to do it, too – to be glad that we’ve made it through another year, that we’re together, that we have what we need.
I, too, am faintly surprised at the idea of Thanksgiving having religious associations, though of course as soon as you mention the thought it seems logical. For me, there’s always been the “being thankful” part, but I’ve never thought of it as being thankful _to_ any entity, but being thankful _for_ something – friends, family, the yams, whatever. 🙂
When I was a kid, Thanksgiving was morning snacks and The Parade on TV, and lying around, and turkey a few hours later than planned, and generally a relaxed holiday for everyone but the cook – that is, Mom. Rather unfair for Mom, but as a young kid I never really thought about it.
Himself and I have celebrated Thanksgiving a variety of ways. We used to occasionally celebrate it eating Chinese food and playing roleplaying games with a friend. For a few years, we went to Vancouver and ate there, among people who weren’t celebrating Thanksgiving. Sometimes we cook ourselves far too much food at home. And this year we cooked far too much food for a small number of invited guests, who also brought more food to share.
So I suppose that right now it’s about friends, and harvest gluttony.
Your childhood Thanksgiving sounds a lot like mine – except that we always celebrated with the extended family: grandparents (both sides), aunts, uncles, cousins, other inlaws, friends who otherwise would have been alone. There have been, at times, more than 30 people in my parents’ house for Thanksgiving dinner! It was fun. And since the cooking duties are split up, not too exhausting for any one person.
But there’s always the hazard of Too Much Food left over, of course. (Which is why we have freezers, I guess.)
I really meant that Thanksgiving is only “religious” in terms of being a reminder of the giver of all things, and not a regimented part of a church routine, if that makes sense…
Mals, thanks so much for finding time to give us this lovely and thought-provoking post, and to your thoughtful commenters, as well!
Notwithstanding the historical, family, faith-community and gourmand aspects, I think of Thanksgiving as an annual reminder to fully appreciate what I have – to always see the glass as half full, or, more accurately, as overflowing compared with the other 5.5 billion.
This is essential because of the natural human tendency to envy, nowadays hugely exacerbated by the existence of major industries aimed at making us want all sorts of things, encouraging us to compare ourselves unfavorably with models and other celebrities so that we want to buy stuff that will lend us a touch of star dust, undermining our happiness, sense of self and wiser use of resources.
Thanksgiving is a reminder to press the reset button and clear the cache of all that false desire, to refocus on what is really important.
So I guess I am seeing it as a spiritual holiday, even for a secular person. 🙂 ~~nozknoz
I like that description, Noz – clearing our cache of the unnecessary junk, ditching envy, feeling satisfaction with the good things we have.
My mother asked my three kids last week what they’d like to have for Christmas, and although Bookworm could think of a few things (a sweater, a new pair of running shoes, a book), Gaze insisted that he had everything he really needed.
Awwww.
Taz’s list? Read like this: “I want some money or a trip to the store to pick out a toy. I don’t care what else I get.” Funny little guy.
I love your kids wishlists! While I have no kids, I see my friends and the mountains of plastic toys and other stuff they get – and think about whether that is a good thing. Certainly don’t want to deprive the little ones, but when they have so much stuff, I don’t think they appreciate it. Of course, these are much littler kids. Seems like you are doing something right!
Mals,
I have never considered Thanksgiving a religious holiday but I certainly embrace the spiritual overtones in the coming together of family/friends – or just taking a quiet moment to appreciate the life you are living, even if it’s not the life you ‘want’ necessarily.
This T-day was also my birthday (next year I get to be the leftovers) and I woke up pissed-off, for a buncho stupid reasons….went for a walk and realized that the ONLY moment I have is NOW. So I got over myself, quick, and decided to enjoy the day – and make myself a present of trying to be more in the moment, as I am blessed with the privilege of embarking on another year in relative health and comfort.
So while it’s not a religious holiday for me, it certainly is a spiritual one.
xoxoxoA – and Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!
You’re right, A – It’s a spiritual holiday, a time to look at what we have and what we need. When I take a deeper look, I always find that I’m richer than I thought.
Happy birthday to you, and I’m wishing you another year of health and comfort, and good friends, and love and satisfaction!
Hi Mals! I also never really thought too much about Thanksgiving being religious. Growing up, our Thanksgivings were generally just our immediate family since the rest of our family was very far away, so it was just the one time a year we ate turkey and drank a little more wine than usual! I agree with a lot of the commenters above – it’s time to reflect and be grateful, to who or what specifically isn’t so important. I was raised Presbyterian but do not practice. I guess I would be considered agnostic now, but still feel you can be spiritual without following organized religion.
Since I moved to San Diego about 10 years ago, the Thanksgiving dinners have been with whatever friends weren’t going out of town. We split up the the cooking duties so no one person has to do everything (this year I made 2 TOTALLY from scratch pies and mashed potatoes!) and eat and drink and watch football and silly movies. It was a lovely day and I am always so thankful to have met such a wonderful group of people when I moved out here.
Hi there, J!
It is harder to do the big celebration party hooha with family far away, it’s true. Luckily, reflecting on our lives with gratitude does not require family. Or turkey. (Or a TV on which to watch way too much football.) It’s the reflecting, and making the decision to be mindful of my gratitude, that I look forward to most.
Family by Choice is an excellent thing, isn’t it?
It really is, and since my brother moved out here a few years ago, I get some real family too! Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays – not too much stressing (unless you are doing ALL the cooking!), lots of wine (at least at our house!), delicious food, no worries about shopping or gifts, pretty much everyone is off work and can relax, and of course spending time with my favorite people!
Seriously, you guys are so great for posting what you think!
A little Elton John is in order:
Can you feeeeeel the looooove tonight…
I’m feelin’ the love. Thanks.
Such a great posting, and so many warm, heart-felt responses– Cheers, Mals!
I just wanted to follow up on something that our Canadian friend, FOandW said (waving at you through the Interwebs!!)– Perhaps one of the greatest functions of Thanksgiving for me is a time to make some sort of peace with what is about to come: winter, cold, damp, and often, for me, sadness and lethargy. I don’t do so well in winter, and I know a lot of other folks don’t either.
Christmas and New Years, both, sitting smack in the coldest, darkest part of the year, are both fraught with heavy what-are-you-doing-with-your-life baggage that often both the season (and one’s life!!) can scarcely bear. And then those two big days are over, what are you left with: a bunch of unpaid credit card bills, a hangover, and the rest of winter to slog through.
Thanksgiving is the one holiday that I can meet openheartedly on it’s own terms and come away from without any letdown the next day, for some reason. Just another reason to be thankful…
-Rita
P.S. I miss YOU!! And all the action at all the smelly blogs. As it turns out, The Other Nostril and I are heading back down to Argentina this January for 10 weeks (speaking of hating winter…), so I’ll be baaaa-ack…
I think you’re right about holidays in the dark part of the year – it must be instinctive for us to draw together and celebrate when the days begin to close in. I don’t have seasonal affective disorder per se, but February really kicks my butt sometimes. Gray and cold, gray and cold again, gray and cold GIVE ME SOME &#(% FLOWERS. NOW. Big smelly ones would be good. I think there’s no coincidence to my craving tuberose last winter.
(We’ve never done Really Big Christmas presents, though, and I don’t tend to get bummed post-Christmas like a lot of people do. I don’t decorate early, we don’t go all hyper… it’s heavy on family and church, and those things are usually life affirming rather than the opposite. I mean, the kids never want to go back to school, which I can’t really blame them for, but other than that, there’s not a big letdown. I can see how things would seem especially dull once the bright lights come down.)
I am thankful for Thanksgiving too. Sometimes I need that nudge to look around and see all the good things instead of focusing on what needs fixing.
TEN WEEKS in Argentina? Kewl, what are you doing?
Hi Mals, I’m a little late to the Thanksgiving post party, but wanted to thank you for sharing that video and all the wonderful comments.
For us, on most Thanksgivings, we give thanks in general to God for all our blessings, our health, etc., but this holiday was quite different. We were beyond grateful to have our son with us, as he nearly died in a swimming pool accident this summer. There wasn’t a dry eye among the family members in my MIL’s house when my DH recited the Lord’s Prayer and how much it had meant to him during the dark days of this summer. So Thanksgiving this year will be one that we will remember for the rest of our lives. Thanks again …
Oh, wow. What a huge blessing… not only to still have your son, (though that is wonderful!) but to also have had that time to rely on God and draw close.
Aw, give him an extra hug and kiss.
It does make the holiday worth celebrating, when you have something to be really grateful for. So glad you still have him. So glad the video was meaningful for you.